Alright kiddos, gather 'round for another thrilling episode of "Days of Our Desk Jobs," a true tale of terror from the corporate jungle. This particular incident takes place on Edgecliff Drive. You know the place, scenic views of cardboard box structures and halogen sunset vibes. A lovely scene, I assure you.
On the 21st of April, 11:06 in the morning, I might add, we bear witness to what can only be described as a shocking act of violence so vile, it took several days to report. Brace yourselves. A woman alleges she was pushed by a coworker during a workplace shift change. I know, terrifying. I hope you're not eating lunch while reading this.
After days of nursing her mental wounds and possibly attending a trauma counselling session with a pint of ice cream and reruns of Friends, our victim somehow found the fortitude to muster a call to the coppers.
The Keystone Cops, in a jolly display of professional spiffiness, documented this horrendous event. They provided the alleged victim with information on how to file a protection order. Because god knows, next time it might escalate to an accidental elbow bump or heaven forbid, a nonconsensual high-five.
Now, if you excuse me, I must retreat and compose myself. The mere retelling of this savage event has left me utterly shaken.
Brought to you by "The Sarcastic Chronicles of Spill By Bill" because, hey, who needs soap operas when you've got real life?
Remember, stay safe out there folks, watch your backs during shift changes, and for the love of all that's holy always document your pushes.